His Story

	Carla: It's not the Todd Turk: It's gotta be the Todd
	Janitor: Morning Maam Patient: I can't move my head Janitor: So what?
	Cox: Sometimes you know it's going to be a crappy day from the moment you wake up, today was one of those days
	Todd: Hey Elliot, I heard you got your nursing degree in the mail...nurse, whaaasuuup?
	JD: Morning Dr. Cox Cox: (Gladys, Ginger, Tiffany, no, Cheryl, Betsy, Betsy. Ooh that's new!) Betsy, good morning, let's make with the chop chop JD: You know, you already used Betsy like six months ago Cox: I don't care (dammit)
	Turk: Here we go baby, here we go Jenny: Are you talking to your chili dog? Turk: What? Hey, well, I find that they don't repeat on me as much if I'm real friendly to them
	Cox: Oh now please don't take away the privilege of letting me pay you two-hundred dollars an hour so that I can drag my ass in here and watch you nod, god knows the only other place I can get that on the planet is my Bret Favre bobble head doll
	Carla: C'mon Elliot, so Paul's a male nurse, you're a big enough person not to let that bother you right? Elliot: I'm dating a murse JD: Better than a mecretary or a manicurist, oh, that works
	Laverne: Dr. Reid, Nurse Paul, dating Cox: Giant 'who cares'. So, I'll see you fellas tonight, what, around 7:30? Don't be late or you won't get a seat JD: I'll bring the fluffernutters Cox: Newbie, I'd invite you, but unfortunately it's guys only
	JD: I've got to say life is pretty good. I've hit my stride as a doctor, all my patients are doing well and I've finally figured out that even though they're horribly uncomfortable, my medium scrubs have a large effect on the ladies. Yup, everything is just great, I feel like for the first time since I started here, I have no stories to tell
	Jenny: Here you go fellas JD & Turk: Thank you Jenny JD: Oh, eight strips of bacon! That girl is all about the J Dizzle Turk: Oh yeah? JD: Ohmigod, it's pancake man Turk: That's what I'm talking about!
	JD: How's it going? Patient: I just got my vertebrae fused JD: I got nothing Janitor: Hey! Hold that elevator JD: I'm pressing the button, it's not working Janitor: Hold it! Hey, hold it! (crashes in to elevator doors)
	Turk: Baby, you know how much I care about you right? Carla: I'm dizzy Turk: Yeah, you're fine. Honey, I know it looked really bad last night with me and kevin coming home all liquored up with a hot chick, but kevin was freaking out about his divorce and I was trying to be supportive Cox: Yeah, by dragging home some random bar skank Turk: Dude, you're not helping Cox: Not trying to help
	Jenny: Here you go fellas JD & Turk: Thank you Jenny Jenny: Your welcome JD: Yo, check out these fries! That girl is so in to me Turk: She's totally crushing on a brotha JD: Why? Because you're black Turk: Let's get one thing straight. This has nothing to do with me being black, this has something to do with me being smoother (squirts ketchup on his face)
	Jenny: Here's a towel, and here are your shakes JD: Thank you. Hey wait Jenny, what flavor do you usually go for? Do you like chocolate or vanilla? Jenny: I am a vanilla girl, I'll go get you some more towels Turk: Go ahead and say it JD: She got jungle fever, she got jungle fever
	Cox: Listen Doctor, while we are on me just for a second, my very pregnant ex-wife would like me to take couple of days off and travel to her mother's house so that we can reconnect as a family Dr. Gross: And I assume that you told her to blow it out her ass Cox: You get me! Darnit, you do Dr. Gross: We're like two peas in a horrible horrible pod
	Doug: Dr. Cox, I was the one who switched with JD Cox: Nervous guy, how you feeling? Doug: A little nervous Cox: That's okay, don't worry about a thing because I am going to ease you in. Here's the deal, you have exactly eight seconds to find this patient's chart, or you're through here Doug: Oh god! Chart? Chart? Has anyone seen a chart? Laverne: Do you want me to look for it? Cox: Nah, I got the chart right here
	(honking and yelling) Turk: Hit it! Carla Espinoza, will you marry me? Carla: Ohmigod Turk: C'mon citizens, let me hear ya, honk in the name of love! (honking) JD: Honk for love! Honk for love!
	Cox: Or, you can take your shirt off right now and be done with all of this in the next five minutes. I am not going to make this uncomfortable for you, c'mon I'm a professional Dr. Kelso: Okay Cox: (sings stripper music) Had to be done Bob... continue handsome
	Cox: What is it there Bob-o? Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry? Cox: What did you say? Dr. Kelso: I spoke to my cardiologist and he said if you hadn't caught my high blood pressure and it had continued unchecked it might have resulted in a mild case of... death Cox: (Must fight urge to rub it in his face) Dr. Kelso: Anyway, I owe you one Cox: (Must rub something in someone's face) How's that coma going there for ya pal? (Much better)
	Doug: Dr. Cox, I just wanted to tell you... Cox: (one, two... ten) Finish the sentence in the next two seconds or start running Doug: (whimpering) Cox: Oh dear god, you're actually frozen with fear. All right, don't worry about a thing, I am going to talk you through this. I want you to relax, take a big breath, and now... get out of here you go go go go go!
	JD: Everybody was kung fu fighting.... Those cats were fast as lightning (elevator stops & phone rings) Janitor: Bat cave JD: Hi, I'm stuck in the elevator Janitor: Yeah, I'm afraid it might be a little while JD: Because you did this Janitor: I think we both know you did this to yourself. Well, I'll let you go JD: Hello?
	JD: In the event of a water landing... Janitor: Incoming, how ya doing? JD: Did you just climb down an elevator shaft to torment me? Janitor: Sometimes in life, you gotta do what you gotta do JD: Look, I promise you the door open button was not working Janitor: It's okay, we are going to be able to work this thing out, seriously, put your hands together like you're praying (duck tape rips & elevator dings)
	JD: I've been doing some thinking about how your always blaming me for everything and how you send a constant stream of crap my way and I decided I need a break Cox: What did you come by to tell me you are a complete wuss? JD: No, I came over here to tell you I traded with another resident and switched off your service for awhile Cox: Tears and hugs there katy, but unless you wanna come inside and give one of the fellas a lap dance, I'm afraid I have to say sayonara because I got twenty guys in here and it's about to get nutty, all the best baby (door slams)