JD: Clearly, we're on the same page
Todd: You haven't lived until you've tasted El Todd's guac!
JD: Catch you later my brotha
Turk: I'll Holla
JD: He said Holla
JD: Will you lay off Mr. Hogan? So he made a mistake, people make mistakes, and when they do it wouldn't hurt you to cut them some slack once and awhile
Mr. Hogan: Thanks man
JD: Quiet, this isn't about you, don't eat meat!
Todd: Hola, K-dog! Yeah, full bar! Take us to Mexico!
Turk: JD said you were a big ole can of crazy
JD: A little can, a very tiny small can
Turk: You said big can
Carla: So if you don't listen to Dr. Dorian you are going to have to answer to me
Mr. Hogan: Okay, ix-nay on the eat-may
Carla: That's right
JD: (We're a team) Giggles
Carla: What?
JD: eat-may sounds like eat me
JD: So we're even right?
Carla: Even? I told a nurse you switched her shift , you babbled all my crazy to the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with
JD: I could spend the rest of my life with Lauren, or at least with her tushy, I just want to wash it, is that weird?
Laverne: Carla, your brother called
Carla: Oh, cool
JD: I didn't know you had a brother
Carla: That's my pet name for Turk, you know because he's mine and he's a black man. My Brotha
JD: That's adorable, do you think he'd mind if I call him that too?
Carla: JD, I was kidding
JD: I know, I am still going to ask
Cox: C'mon now Barbie, if you keep going down this road you're gonna go up to the roof of this hospital and jump the hell off, mind you it's only 5 stories high, so that means you'll just wind up back down here where I, of course, will be the one who has to treat you and then I will be forced to jump off the roof of this hospital which, as I've suggested to you, if only 5 stories high and are you starting to see a pattern forming here?
Janitor: Fork, me can't eat soup (whine)
JD: I don't think you're stupid, your job requires a lot of know-how, I mean, c'mon it's not like you ladling out sloppy joes or something ... My uncle was a Joe-er, yeah
(Chair pushed in and out)
Cox: It's not possessed, it's for sitting
Elliot: Excuse me?
Cox: For god's sake you must park it. What we generally do now is eat ... eat
Elliot: I can't, I'm too nervous
Bonnie: Shove it Turk!
Turk: Oh, I'm going to shove it and love it and dance around above it, hey, shove it and love it and dance around above it, c'mon
Carla: You see, that's what's really bothering me
JD: Turk and Bonnie? They hate each other
Carla: Then why is he doing his "you're so getting a piece of this dance"?
JD: He's not, that's his "in your face dance" or it's his "there's a sale on lotion dance", I don't know, he's got so many dances
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I'm so glad I caught you
Cox: And there it is again that ringing in my ears its kinda an ahhhhhh but its more of piercing its more of an eeeeeeeee
JD: She's trying to ask you a question
Cox: Now you, you're more of a low pitched aooga, aooga, aooga. It's more masculine which, quite frankly, is surprising considering the source but make no mistake, oh just equally annoying. Luckily though I know how to make the pain go away (walks away) Ahh, much better
Janitor: What's up?
JD: (Be careful, don't give him anything) Nothing, what is up with you, man?
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, summers gone, the days are shorter, makes me feel so, what's the word?
JD: Sad?
Janitor: Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word sad. I was going to say it makes me feel so mop
JD: Let me explain, I..
Janitor: Go ahead, I'm mopping
JD: Maybe I shouldn't bother
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't
(Phone rings)
Janitor: Hello, we can hear you, hello?
Troy: Why won't it stop ringing?
Janitor: Hello, for the love of god, hello?
JD: Alright look, okay, I never meant to insinuate you guys were stupid alright? Everyone knows you are a hundred times smarter than the jackasses that run this place
Dr. Kelso: Is that so, sport?
JD: No sir, it's not so. Will you just go ahead and answer it already? (answers phone) Hello?
Janitor: Hello (funny voice)
Troy: Take that smart guy
Janitor: Troy, that's not how we do it