My Cake

	J.D.'s Narration: As for my family, we had our own way of breaking the news. Dan: Hey, little brother! J.D.'s Narration: We did it with cake. J.D.: What happened? Dan: What, a guy can't take three days off work, travel eight hundred miles on a bus with a double-layer fudge cake just to say "Hey, how're things?" J.D.: Dan. Dan: Dad died.. J.D.: There's ice cream in the fridge.
	Turk: Sorry I had to blow out of there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week? J.D.: It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem. See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil. Turk: So? Dan: So, it looked like a giant marble penis -- which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.
	Dr. Cox: Say, Barbie, for a second there, I thought you were being a little bit cold, but then you really saved it with the "[sigh]... 'Kay." Elliot: What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"? Dr. Cox: No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day, so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan. Elliot: Which is? Dr. Cox: Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part? Elliot: Sure. Dr. Cox: I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
	J.D.: Hey, Dan, if Dad were here right now, what would you say to him? Dan: Burps J.D.: I think he'd be glad to hear that. J.D.'s Narration: Maybe it was because I finally slowed down, maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know. But at that moment, it all hit me.
	J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox, can I talk to you for a second? Dr. Cox: Uh, no. J.D.: Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me. Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie. Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here. Thank you. J.D.: You know what sucks? I thought you were actually going to come through for me this time. Dr. Cox: In a minute! Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners. J.D.: Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I? Dr. Cox: Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo! Bravo, ah! Ted: What are we clapping for? Dr. Cox: His dad just died. Dr. Cox: Dammit.
	Elliot: Why are you still antagonising him!? Dr. Cox: I don't know. I can't stop. Elliot: I am warning you, you better come through for him. Dr. Cox: What do you want me to do, anyway? Elliot: Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug. Dr. Cox: Barbie... you've met be before, yes? Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year, and nine months ago I hugged my son, so: you're gonna have to do it. Elliot: Um, you saw us before, we're still awkward from the break-up. Dr. Cox: H--Hold the phone: are you suggesting that if I sleep with him, that I won't have to deal with problems like this? Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit. [as Elliot walks off] I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game? Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.
	Dr. Cox: So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down? Do you wish to remain seated, would you like to stand? I, of course, don't care, as long as it's under three seconds and I don't feel your breath on my neck. J.D.: So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this? Dr. Cox: No, I'm -- I'm really trying. J.D.: You know what, I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you! Dr. Cox: Newbie, don't shove me. J.D.: Oh, really, why not? Dr. Cox: Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice, my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury. J.D.: When someone shoves you like this? Elliot: So, how'd it go? Dr. Cox: Punched him in the face.
	J.D.: Carla is aware that if you eat that your foot will fall off, right? Turk: Well, I haven't told her yet. But I'm pretty sure she knows, 'cause right now she's trying to get me to 'fess up by tempting her Chocolatey Goodness with chocolatey goodness. Carla: Babe? Do you want some hot fudge sugar sauce? Turk: Oh, hell yeah! J.D.: Why haven't you told her? Turk: I'm not sure. Can I tell you something weird, though? J.D.: You can tell me anything. Turk: I feel like your dad dying has stolen my diabetes thunder. J.D.: Oh my God, just this second I was thinking your diabetes is gonna get in the way of my dad dying. Isn't that funny? Turk: Cool!
	J.D.'s Narration: And then I heard something I thought I'd never hear. Dr. Cox: Truth be told, there, Newbie: I'm proud of you. Dan: Me too.