My Dream Job

	Dr. Kelso: I haven't perused the latest nursing contract but I'm guessing it doesn't say show up when you damn well please Cox: Oh hey Bob, here's an idea, why don't you stop showing up all together. We'll just replace you with a giant time clock, oh and if we ever get to missing you will just have a tiny little Bob Kelso cuckoo bird pop out every few minutes and say "I've never satisfied a women", "I've never satisfied a women", "I've never satisfied a women"
	Spence: Jill Anderson? Turk: Yes Spence: Yes JD: No Turk: Monica Myer Spence: Yeah Turk: Yes JD: You know guys, I don't think it is really appropriate for us to be rehashing our college sexual conquests with Carla in the other room Turk: Lesley Stevens? JD: Yes! On a pile of coats with hundreds of people around. What a whore!
	Spence: Why don't you just mousse the crap out of it.... Straight up JD: Yes!... My life changed that day
	JD: What I've got you on is D5 half normal saline with 25 KCL at 100 cc's an hour Turk: This is then Cadillac of all hangover cures Spence: It feels warm in my tummy Cox: Good morning angels, have one too many daiquiris last night? JD: Spence, this is Dr. Cox.... Jordan: Don't bother, don't care Spence: Right, he's the scary man you told me about last night. Hey, congratulations! Cox: For what Jackass? Spence: You just had a baby JD: No, she just had a baby Spence: Yeah, but you said it was his and you said something else Turk: That he didn't know it yet Spence: That's exactly right!
	JD: (Okay, he hasn't said a word in over ten minutes, the hell with it, I'm going in) Dr. Cox Cox: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya" then the third world will be "ohmigod, my crotch, you've punched me in the crotch" JD: See ya!
	Spence: How about that guy? JD: Yeah Spence: That guy? JD: Yeah, you know what, maybe it would just be easier if I told you who's butt I haven't had my fingers in Spence: That's one of the perks you never hear about. You guys have pretty much landed your dream jobs, huh?
	Spence: Do you at least have any interesting patients? Turk: Well, there's Mr. Weinberg, who has dementia but still enjoys his ronking Spence: What's ronking? Mr. Weinberg: Ronk! Spence: Interesting Turk: Hey sweetness JD: Ronk!
	Carla: No, you didn't Elliot: I did, and now every time I turn around Dr. Kelso is riding me Todd: I got next... What's up! No one? Self-five, for the big dawg!
	JD: Morning Janitor: I make more than you do JD: What? Janitor: I saw your paycheck, and I've been dying to tell you, I make more than you, quite a bit more JD: You couldn't have seen my paycheck Janitor: Right, cause there is no way I can access the personnel files, just impossible... by the way 987-65-4320 JD: That's my social security number Janitor: No, thats your pin number JD: No, my pin number is 3674 Janitor: Bingo!
	Spence: People! Lady: Ed, did you turn on the jets in the hot tub? Ed: No JD: It's too hot on my eyes!
	Cox: Hi Betty, Hi Wilma. What the hell, you're only 40 minutes late... Do I smell beer? JD: We had a few Cox: Newsflash, you can't drink then come to work, you're not airline pilots JD: Look, Dr. Cox Cox: No, you look. If someone had asked me just this morning is there anyway I could have any less respect for you two geniuses, I would have said no, no that's not possible but low and behold you went and pulled it off. Congratulations the only problem is that I am fresh out of blue ribbons so instead you will have to settle for a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass!
	Cox: I can't believe you didn't tell me Jordan: While we are coming completely clean Perry, I am not actually the girl they are singing about in My Sharona, her name is Sharona Cox: You're making jokes? Jordan: I just want everything to be okay Cox: Jordan, don't get me wrong, I want to be with the kid. I am damn sure going to be with the kid but as far as you and I go, I just don't see us working out
	Janitor: Hey food stamps, a little anonymous donation from a guy who makes a little more scratch than you JD: You know what? At least what I do matters, okay, you're cleaning the same spot you were this morning and the smart money says you will be cleaning it again tomorrow so why don't I come by then and you can tell me how what you do day after day makes even the slightest bit of difference in this world Janitor: Too mean
	Jordan: Howdy mop top
	Ted: Dr. Reid, I'm afraid that nothing you described constitutes harassment Dr. Kelso: Swing and a miss, hey Dr. Reid. well, the next time you decide to make a stink over nothing maybe you should see a lawyer who didn't need five tries to pass the bar exam Ted: I have stress induced dyslexia, you know that Dr. Oslek
	Cox: Why are you doing this? Jordan: I'll tell you why I am doing this Perry. Because we've been dancing the same annoying dance for years now, one of us gets angry and walks away and the other one is too stubborn to go after them. Before you know it you are sleeping with a toothpick size pharmaceutical rep and I am trying to convince my mom that the thing in my suitcase is a giant electric melon baller. Well guess what? things are different now, we have a kid together. I am not going home until you promise you are coming home with me
	JD: Look, I'm sorry I was such a jerk yesterday okay? Look at this floor, you can practically eat off it Janitor: Would you? JD: Would I what? Janitor: Would you eat off the floor? JD: (As I bent down to eat that peppered floor turkey unaware the cleanser the janitor uses is an extremely potent diuretic I realized something, the reason we are doctors is that we have an innate desire to help people) Janitor: That was disgusting
	Cox: Nice call on the anti-seizure medicine there newbie. I am actually starting to think you might not be the worst resident that ever lived JD: How cool was that? Patient: Shut up JD: You shut up, you're an angry man
	JD: I am sorry I didn't tell you about the whole it's your baby thing, we'll probably talk about that later Cox: No, I wasn't even mad at Jordan JD: No? Cox: No, I was scared, In fact, I have been freaking out all day because I am quite confident that I am going to be an absolutely horrible father JD: You? C'mon, you're going to be a very scary father, I mean a great, you're going to be a great father
	JD: And do you remember the time you told me I wasn't the worst resident that ever lived? Cox: You mean like eight seconds ago? JD: You have no idea how much that meant to me Cox: I said I think you might not be the worst resident ever but I can't be sure of stuff like that, c'mon, I haven't done the appropriate legwork JD: But Dr. cox, you are always there when we need you, I think you've got this fathering thing down