My Karma

	Ted: I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head Todd: Dude, it is so nice out here. Do you mind if I take it down to the banana hammock?
	JD: Well, Mr. Foster, your blood tests are back and the good news is you're not pregnant Turk: (laughing) Cause you're a.... JD: I said not pregnant! Is this thing on? And hey, what is the deal with Q-tips? They're not Q's and they're not tips?
	Elliot: I still can't believe you guys are getting married Carla: My girlfriends think I'm crazy.... About you, because you're so damn cute! Turk: Good save.... Thank you very much for coming out tonight guys JD: Oh c'mon, this is the only way to celebrate right, with close friends and nurse roberts Laverne: Don't get all pissy now you said "my treat order what ever you want", you didn't say "order what ever you want except the lobster" JD: I said no shellfish!
	Dr. Kelso: Morning sport JD: (Ohmigod, do not say splotchy) Good splotchy doctor splotchy Dr. Kelso: Oh please, it's barely noticeable Cox: Oh, dark roast
	Mr. Sims: I just wish I really knew why it hurts so much right here Turk: Well Mr. Sims, it could be because it's damp out, it could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open with a giant knife, you had surgery buddy, you'll be fine
	Ted: Hey fellas, always nice to have visitors, what's the dealio? JD: No dealio Ted, we just stopped by to say Hi, Hi Turk: See ya later, buddy Ted: Later!
	JD: There she is! Are you ready to be born today? Jordan: Get the hell away from my stomach or I'll put you in a leg lock and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs JD: Enjoy your special day! Jordan: Thanks
	JD: I'll go ahead a make a little toast here, a toast that only people who have known Turk and Carla more than a week will understand... You guys rock, you do! (How's that taste, Blondie?)
	Carla: So... you guys have... Elliot: Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so... Carla: Four dates? Elliot: Yeah, it's one date longer than the sluts and one date shorter than the prudes. I am four date Reid Carla: Yeah, what about that surgeon the other... Elliot: I am four date Reid!!
	Elliot: Carla, you know how I am really crazy? Carla: Sure, what's up? Elliot: It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul Carla: I hear you girl, I mean Turk and I are engaged and it wasn't until last week that I admitted the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom isn't because of germs but because I am afraid of toilet snakes Elliot: And now, so am I
	Cox: Hey girl's name JD: What? Cox: Gimme a break, I have a lot on my mind Ellen, oh look at that, I bounced back! Anyway, the cave bat just kicked me out of its lair and seeing as I no longer have my all access pass to crazy town I am going to need you to occasionally go in there and poke her with a broomstick just to see how she's doing JD: Doctor Cox.. Cox: Bu bu bu bu, please, just check on her
	Jordan: I don't know that many straight guys who wear cologne JD: I am down to one spritz
	Turk: What the hell am I doing playing golf? This is all Tiger Woods' fault JD: This guy is going to sue the hospital we are going to get fired, we'll have to become male whores, very successful male whores, we'll probably have a nicer apartment and some bling bling, but male whores nonetheless Turk: Relax, nobody knows about this but us, we'll be fine
	Janitor: Hey guys, check out the personalized golf club cozy I found on the roof, "Hi Davey" JD: You and you're stupid christmas present Janitor: Yeah, seems like one of the golf balls you hit went through the windshield of my van, no big deal, I just expect you to replace it, that's all JD: Wait, you're windshield has been broken for like a year Janitor: Yeah I know, still. "Oh No, looks like we are in a pickle, pick, pick, pickle" Here's the keys, have it back by tomorrow. Who are you? Turk: Doctor Turk Janitor: I don't care
	Paul: I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, I just totally crashed Elliot: No big deal Paul: I love that you don't let the little things bother you. Like right now, you've got pit stains, and you are like whatever, I'm working hard Elliot: What can I say? I am an easy going gal... Ohmigod ohmigod, I need deodorant and a dry top over here!
	Paul: Elliot! Wait up! Elliot! Elliot: Hey Paul: I wanted to explain about last night. We had a great time and I know you wanted me to come in to you know... Elliot: No no no, I invited you in to see my fish tank Todd: Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays? Paul: Careful Todd Todd: Sorry nurse Flowers, sir
	Paul: Elliot, listen, I think you are an amazing girl, I really do, but something just didn't feel right last night. Its just that I have rushed things with people in the past and I don't want to do that with you Elliot: (What does he mean in the past? Does he have an ex-girlfriend? Is that her? Slut!) I feel the same way Doctor: Hey Elliot: I am on to you
	Elliot: I can't take it Carla, I can't hide the crazy a minute longer and the worst part is Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who actually wants to take things slow with me and I'm just this big mountain of cuckoo who's about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him and he's going to die like this Carla: Calm down Elliot, do what I used to do, find people that don't even know Paul and then just let it out in little bursts Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon ladies Elliot: You know, when I was a kid I got a sunburn like that and I just peeled all the skin off, put it in a pile, and ate it Dr. Kelso: Good lord!
	Paul: Elliot, is everything alright? Elliot: Everything's great, yeah... What? Paul: This is what bothered me the other night. I know there is something wrong but you won't talk about it. I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane you idiot!
	Elliot: Remember the other day when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every 15 minutes on the half hour since you told me that. I'm racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germophobic, phobiaphobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that my cats often respond to me in my mothers voice. And yesteday when that stupid pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stiching up because I couldn't stop thinking of the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? Because my father had an affair with a female butcher. And as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy? Paul: No, I am incredibly turned on
	Cox: So now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi? Carla: Oh, he's amazing in bed and he has an amazing CD collection Cox: Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared anymore? Carla: Please, I am still terrified. Good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses station, know why? Cox: Why? Carla: I ate them all Cox: Sounds like good roughage to me Carla: What do you do when you get scared? Cox: Runaway, get a divorce, drink alone. You know, the classics
	Cox: Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room and I was wondering if... if, well... Dr. Kelso: Perry, if you want a favor don't beat around the bush, just curtsey Cox: I beg your pardon there backdraft? Dr. Kelso: You heard what I said. Well? Always remember I made you do that
	Cox: Okay here's the deal, you are, in fact, supposed to be up in the mac daddy suite, but the woman who's in there is in her fourtieth hour of labor Jordan: Did you explain to her that it is my room? Cox: I started to but then she screamed, grunted, and pooped on the table. It always cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one Jordan: I am going to poo in front of people? Cox: No... yeah Jordan: We are so done talking Cox: Don't tease me
	Cox: It's not like I see the real father running around here busting his hump Jordan: Oh that's nice, I'm going home Cox: No, no you're not Jordan: Byebye Cox: Jordan, you're water just broke Jordan: This kid is annoying me already
	JD: Doctor Cox asked me to check in on you, I'm sorry I haven't been here until now Jordan: He asked you to check in on me? JD: Yeah. So, how you doing? Jordan: Well, I ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me and show me that he loved me, but no, I had to drive him away because I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display. So now he's gone away for good and I would really like to get this stupid thing out of me so I can go home and kill myself JD: Well, you sound good
	Jordan: I was going to tell him the truth eventually. I just wanted to see if he was going to be with me because he wanted to not because he had to. Do you know what I mean? JD: What are you talking about? Jordan: It's his baby stupid, don't tell anyone! Cox: Alright look it, kappa gamma here says it's time to get this thing underway so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying Jordan: What ever... Alright Cox: Good. What were you two talking about? JD: Apartheid Jordan: It's wrong
	Cox: Ohmigod, will you look at the mug on Jordan's baby, must have one butt ugly father! JD: Yeah