JD: Dry spell, prepare to be moistened!
JD: Very funny, you dumb choir punks. Santa's a drunk!
Elliot: Merry Christmas
JD: It was exactly what I wanted
Todd: Someone's getting a late night drunk call from The Todd
JD: Lucky girl
Todd: Yeah
JD: Please, I am a young single playa with a heart of gold, I should be able to stir something up
Cox: I'm sorry, crazy person says what?
Jordan: What?
Cox: Thatta girl
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, this is not bring your problems to work day, this is just work day
(phone rings)
Carla: Aren't you going to get that?
Elliot: Nah, it's just Todd. He's already called like four times to ask if I want to move in to his pants
JD: Hey Turk, do you ever have any trouble getting your manhood going?
Turk: Hells no!
JD: Yeah, me neither dawg!
JD: The surgeon that's going to come by and do your lymph node dissection is a very handsome young man, so I don't want you to forget about me, I'm serious you naughty girl
JD: Okay, momentary setback, regroup, regroup! Hey, go out with me... it's the right thing to do
Lisa: Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just having a really good time?
JD: Actually, it's a roll of quarters... laundry day
Cox: Sure Jordan, I guess you can take over the master bathroom but would you do my a favor and leave my sleeping pills out in case when I get home I want to take 300 of them?
Turk: I want you to turn gift shop girl in to gift shop woman
JD: I swear on all the gifts in her shop that I will make you proud
Turk: That's my dawg, that's my dawg!
Elliot: My life is a mess
JD: At least you're pretty
Elliot: Yeah well, pretty don't pay the rent
Carla: It does for my sister
Elliot: Oh my god, you're sister is a prostitute?
Carla: She's a model. C'mon Elliot, we talked about thinking before we speak
Turk: Baby, I was just exhausted from work
Carla: When you were an intern you were always exhausted from work, but you always made time for romance
Turk: Oh, that's because I was still trying to get in to your delicates
Cox: Newbie, when a patient has an infection I make it a general policy not to actually push on it. Just start ansef, 1 gram Q eight hours and oh my god did I just ask my ex-wife to move in with me?
JD: Ummhmm. What? You don't own that
Cox: (sighs)
Cox: You have never looked so beautiful
Jordan: It's the giant boobs, isn't it?
Cox: Well, have you seen them lately?
Jordan: Yes, relax
JD: I've seen bigger. No, not you. Although, kudos
Laverne: Ummhmm
Elliot: Huh, I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them
JD: Oh c'mon Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage
Elliot: Well, if you don't it gets mildewy
JD: You should live with my friend Anal McLooney
JD: My peeps on the fritz
Turk: Dude!
Cox: (laughing) Poor Newbie
JD: No no no, I'm talking about you guys. You guys are like my peeps, you're my dawgs, and you're on the fritz. That's where peepfritz came from
Cox: God love you newbie, thank you for giving some perspective
Janitor: (drops change) There's your stupid dollar. And by the way your new nickname is peepee le fritz, enjoy!

JD: I had a really good time tonight
Lisa: I gotta tell you I was a little nervous when you spent the first five minutes talking through a napkin
JD: Oh, that wasn't me, it was nappy the ice breaking puppet, that little guy earned his money tonight
Lisa: So you think you're in, huh?
JD: Oh c'mon, I'm so in
Lisa: C'mon, you can't be sure
JD: Nah, I feel pretty good about it. You want me
Lisa: I don't
JD: Yeah, I'm a doctor, all the symptoms are there, you do

Janitor: Come to poppa
JD: Ahem
Janitor: Yeah, the coil did not complete it's revolution. My candy's just hanging there instead of dropping
JD: Okay, whatever, if you're hungry man, I can loan you a buck
Janitor: A buck? What a kind offer from the charitable doctor moneybags
JD: Look, you can either be a jerk, as usual, or you can accept this gracious offer and get some caramel draped in nuget. You're choice jumpsuit
JD: (So little JD isn't rising to the occasion, it's not a big deal, nobody knows about this but me)
Cox: Hey newbie, what's up?
JD: Everything, everything's up
Dr. Kelso: Rise and shine sport
JD: What, did someone send out a flyer?
Todd: Hey JD, how's your penis?
JD: (All right, calm down, he says that to everyone)
Todd: Hey goldman, how's your penis?
JD: (Okay, you're freaking out, just keep your head down and move)
Janitor: I get it, I haven't paid you back so you won't look at me?
JD: No
Janitor: It's been one day, you greedy little bastard
JD: (See what you did?)

JD: You know, Perry
Cox: Perry?
JD: Yeah, I'm trying it out. I find that with the ladies, if you are clear with your intentions right off the bat, they just fall in to place. AQ?
Cox: What?
JD: AQ, it's sort of a new hip expression, means any questions
Cox: Look, please don't think I'm impressed because you managed to score a sympathy date with whatever homely looking chick is managing the gift shop nowadays
Lisa: JD, you ready to go?
JD: Oh, the word you're looking for is 'wow' and the words I'm looking for are 'in your face'. Yeah, I'm ready, let's get going. PO, peace out