|
|
Ted
& Band: Facts of
Life Theme |
|
|
Ted
& Band: Charles in
Charge Theme (part 1) |
|
|
Ted
& Band: Charles
in Charge Theme (part 2)
Dr. Kelso:
Shut the hell up Ted, it's morning
|
|
|
Ted
& Band: Six Million
Dollar Man Theme
Ted: Your zsa-nanananas
could be louder, you guys were
fine
|
|
|
Ted:
Doctor Kelso lets us practice
here at night
JD: Oh yeah,
I remember, cartoon theme songs
Ted: No, no,
no that was lame, we do prime
time now
|
|
|
Ted:
Hey, this is my band. We all
work in different departments
in the hospital
JD: Ted I
know you told me last time
we-
Ted: Legal
#2: Accounting
#3:Shipping
and receiving
#4: On site
property management including
pest control, night-time security,
non-arboreal gardening services,
and tenant-related easements
and liens
JD: Hey,
you got promoted
Ted & Band:
It's about time, he's been
busting his hump around here
for 6 years, mm-mmm
|
|
|
Cox:
You're done now
|
|
|
Turk:
Baby, are you ready to rock?
|
 |
Turk:
Baby, are you ready to rock?
Nurse: Great,
another cocky resident that wants
to start surgery before the attending
shows up
Turk: I'm sorry,
I just figured that if we finished
here quick enough, we might have
enough time to pull the stick
out of your ass. What do you say? |
|
|
Cox:
Now, that's just not funny
|
|
|
JD:
Somebody needs to be decisive |
|
|
Elliot:
C'mon peeps, let's go kick some
sick patient ass! |
|
|
JD:
That, my friends, is one nerdy
honky! |
|
|
Turk:
This is our house!
Elliot: We're
in charge!
JD: I love my
butt! |
|
|
Carla:
You guys are unbelievable
Turk: Oh, thank
you baby
Carla: Not the
good kind
Turk: I know! |
|
|
JD:
Here's the plan, we do nothing
Elliot: Sounds
good
Turk: I'm in
Carla: That's
inspiring |
|
|
Hippy
ER Doctor: Okay, you
talk way too fast
Elliot: If you
could just keep one person downstairs
we'd be willing to throw a parade
for you! |
|
|
Jordan:
My back hurts
Cox: Oh yeah?
Well, my front hurts, so touché
Jordan: Always
a charmer |
|
|
Turk:
Is Carol the one with the really
firm butt?
JD: Well, I'm
Carol, so yes
Elliot: It's
disturbing how obsessed you are
with your own butt |
|
|
Carla:
You should try trading places
with me for one day
JD: (Fantasizes
himself in a thong) It's actually
not that bad and the lace feels
soft against my package...Naah |
|
|
Cox:
Get me a donut, will ya?
Elliot: You mean
like a blood pressure thingy?
Cox: I mean like
a glazed thingy, and I like sprinkles
on half of it, so if you can't
find a half sprinkle get me all
sprinkles and go ahead and pick
half of them off |
|
|
Cox:
I am glad we finally had a chance
to talk
Jordan: You and
me both, I mean I haven't had
anyone to talk to lately
Cox: Okay!
Jordan: Boy,
you sure do talk fast!
Cox: Bye bye!
Jordan: Next
time we talk maybe I can finish
a sentence or two |
|
|
Janitor:
Hey, I thought about what you
said and you're right, I owe you,
so I got you a date tonight
JD: Who?
Janitor: Tim
JD: I'm not gay
Janitor: What?
Oh, I get it, neither is Tim |
|
|
Jordan:
Say, let's play a game. I'll throw
out an adjective describing how
one of you is in bed and you guys
try to guess who it is
JD: Remember
I had no idea she was your ex
at the time
Cox: Uh-huh
Jordan: Okay,
Clumsy
Cox: Don't answer
that newbie
JD: No worries
(falls over)
Cox: Goodbye
Jordan, Sandy (kicks JD)
JD: Ouch! |
|
|
JD:
There, just a tiny splinter. It's
funny, I can't stop thinking about
Aesop's fables, you know the one
where the lion's always hassling
the little mouse but then the
mouse pulls a thorn from his paw
Janitor: Oh right,
and the lion kills him anyway
JD: No he doesn't
Janitor: Trust
me |
|
|
Turk:
I don't care if you do shave down
there, that's not even a medical
issue, but it sure is pretty...
maam, you don't have mono, but
you do have halitosis, mint?...
maam, three baby tylenol is actually
an underdose for a woman your
size... yes, congratulations,
you are double jointed |
|
|
Janitor:
Want me to knock him out?
JD: What are
you doing in here?
Janitor: I owe
you, I'm helping you out
JD: This isn't
like being a janitor, okay, its
not necessarily something everybody
can do
Janitor: Oh,
so you can do my stuff but I can't
do yours?
JD: Yes!
Janitor: Okay,
hot shot, what would you use to
get a coffee stain up off a tile
floor?
JD: The rough
side of a sponge?
Janitor: dammit |
|
|
Janitor:
You rang, Lurch
JD: My stethoscope
is stuck up there I need you to
get it down for me
Janitor: You
put it up there
JD: That's really
here nor there
Janitor: fine,
we're even
JD: Thank god
Janitor: You
could have just asked me to stop
hassling you for like a year
JD: Okay, I want
that then
Janitor: It's
too late
JD: But I use
those for listening |
|
|
Cox:
Listen girlfriend, I don't want
to hear your misguided romantic
notions. You see for me, sex is
a sport like racquetball. You
play hard for half an hour, work
up a sweat, and hope you don't
get hit in the eye
Carla: Say what
you want, I know that you care
about her. In fact, I bet, that
after you two are done playing
racquet ball or talking or whatever
you crazy kids are calling it
you'd like nothing better than
to just lie there and pass the
time by watching her sleep
Cox: Carla, it's
impossible to actually lie next
to Jordan seeing how she sleeps
hanging upside down from the ceiling
wrapped in a cocoon of her own
wings
Carla: That's
nice! |
